Elayne Teng

21 minutes ago via mobile · Edited

The issues in this wk's hello counselor...-_-|||...>~<...I tot it's different kind of concern than what is actually is when they mentioned the topic ...>~<

But I think I know why it got leaked out, as in His passiveness in letting it happen...when I clarify, though it is on the others part whether or not to take it, if they watch this wk's episode, it's obvious why it seemed that way. But the und...erlying messages behind the issues in the episode...is it obsession? Is it one of the seven deadly sins? How much issues/distress it caused when it becomes obsessive. And the last concern: it goes the same for any other different topic...it will still cause frustration but don't use this as an excuse. Reason can become excuses depending on one's attitude.

think I'll post this fb status here too...

"Elayne Teng

December 26 via mobile · Edited

Seriously, dont know why but I got so so irked by this. My parents migrated to Singapore and I was born a Singaporean citizen! There was someone who claimed to be me frm my parents' birthplace sometime ago, trying to take advantage of the slightly complicated nationality issue. Don't think that because I didn't retaliate means that I don't know abt it...that was why at one time I was so irritated by those seeking fame and recognition through passing off as someone else that I decided to stop all my works and see how they continue the act..."

Probably I should state the emphasis: posing of as someone for one's own greed.

I know that there are some who wanted to help others in life difficulties but couldn't reach to them and those others doubted whether the life difficulties and how I am now is true for they couldn't believe that those things happened to me, and also that if they believed it, they couldn't believe that I am how I am now, seemingly unscathed from those life difficulties.

Actually, I could have talked to those 'others' personally, have a one-to-one talk...

Today's 'chaos'

Today, I went to school for self-revision as per scheduled in my schedule. On my way to school, I heard that someone said in a very surprised tone that Rachel said that she will not go to school. Which Rachel, I do not recognize in face but I know that it's the Rachel who tried very hard to stick to (erm, there are many Sams rite...?) a Sam, and after knowing how attached, she tried all means to bring me down (that sounded similar again...but I know that she started it before probably in 2010, if I didn't get it wrongly and if ppl who were close to him were accurate from their observations and were truthful in that conversation that I hear behind my back, he did thought that what happened to me--the events--happened to her). She did stayed in the unit, above my unit, for a short time, and that's when I heard her talking to the tenants who lent her a room to stay. And it was around the same time that the one who got friends to sign in to her fb account and post comments, which was actually faking comments and opinions on her status.

My apologies if I sounded like letting out all information out but the things that she does is really way out of line. I heard that Sam was asked (not sure if it's more like got kicked out or just asked) to go out of the door today. If she really liked him, this is not the way. Deceiving. Using deception to turn everyone to her side. And the thing is it seemed as though it is the norm in a certain 'group'. And it's selfish obsession. And it just so happens that she has the same name that one of my best friend, and two acquaintance have. That Rachel that I mentioned in my private blog, I was referring to the Rachel whom I know, have talked to back in my high school days. And the Rachel whom if I did mention during SHAREZ outings was referring to my best friend.

What I wrote in my private blog were true to the core. My actual thoughts at that time, my experiences, my hardships. I did not write it for the sake of gaining attention. For goodness's sake, I knew how the world operates at a very young age, furthermore being at the receiving end. It already caused me PTSD. It took me a lot of courage and effort to get out of it, and some effects/phobia, still stayed with me till now. I would have ran away from those kind of attention. Those freaking attention. That was why I was so reluctant to type some of the BlogSpot posts, especially some of those in 2010, 2011. But simply because of what I had gone through, I seriously could not sit back and watch it from unfolding and seeing the world spiral down until there's no use for solutions anymore.

K. Back to that. I was very sure of my guess that Rachel said that because she heard frm someone or others that I withdraw from the school's fellowship because I couldn't stay back for long. And I actually did posted "Ephesians 6: Honour your parents and the sword of the Sprit" on my fb status after that stressful--in a sense(it created a strain)--fb message. However, I did said that I am a bit unpredictable in one of my BlogSpot post. It's exam stress. I need to practice and be sure of myself before the exam dates close in, and totally freaking out. If she had read every posts, she would have known better to not declare what I will be or what I will not be doing or wearing etc. Diligence. And even if she is diligent, the Lord knows what He allows to happen, and when to intervene.

And seriously, it shows something about that person who believe what she said, and showed him the door. And those who spread those malicious rumours. And please, he had gone through enough. It's politics game, a game of fame and those kinds of icky, yakky things. And it seemed as though he's not quite apt in reading other's intentions behind their actions. Thank god  for God. I only knew of it today that he was the one who swap my id with his (name) to protect me. Seriously. I knew that ppl were mistaking me for him. But I didn't know it was him. Much more his intentions. Though I could have guess his intentions if I knew it was him.

Seriously just because junyi and some others believed in the wrong bible and understanding of the bible, does it mean that the Lord that Christians believe is what they believe is? Seriously!

This can be a bit personal...But the name Junyi, thank God this name is quite common, kept on coming up in a certain type of conversations, and it seemed to be causing a huge concern, even until now. Some good friends who supported him...Why did I keep on running away (running: not letting others reach me) during that time many years back? Why did I let myself be found, on the condition that if the person managed to find me by himself? In the past, when the person finds me, I'll run away immediately or hide again. That's why the only being that can reach me during those times was only Him, the Lord, and the cases of abused animals and ppl. It's not just shyness. Let it go. And there was also another reason why for this case, there were others who were attracted to him, and their pains I saw it, and I knew that he knows about it. And one of them backed out--the two of them were best friends; three of them good friends.And at that time, I still haven't grasp the full knowledge and understanding of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. So I still couldn't recognize infaturation and other levels of attraction. But I still hide myself. And furthermore, there's the issue of studies, and health.

Why did I then come out now? A family is built on trust (eh, not blind trust, but trust with truth in sight), and there's a direction, a thing that binds each other together. Stronger than just roles. Especially between the two heads of the households. A commitment to the family. The feeling that I had a role, a mission, in fact it can be considered a burden, became stronger as the events passed by. Whether I'm up to it, I'm very doubtful. But if I continue to be this doubtful, I'm doubting Him. Him who knows all things well, every single individual, every single plants and animals who had lived on earth, every single events, be it personal events or major events. But what's the process, I don't know. Whether I'm to be carrying this by myself or not, I'm not sure. I only know what had passed, and what I can pre-empt.

And actually I did wrote down my feelings in my private diary...perhaps that was why this strong notion of he can still get me back.

Thought to also post it here as there's some important matters/issues embedded in it...


"Guess I got too concerned with marks instead of the process...and I did changed the base article two times towards the deadline...still, lost sight of what's the most important thing: it's not the results but the learning process...good thing that the Lord pulled me back, can't say anything about His method though...^^ I wasn't that concerned about my results for quite some time already...guess it's really when the subtle messages get into one's subconsciousness and from the subconsciousness being brought out into the conscious mind...I knew that many ppl were watching my grades...and I knew what they are thinking...true, results reflects one's capability and one's effort but it's not always the case. It's a "may", not a confirmatory statement/fact. I do better in the background than in the spotlight. That's a fact. Until I overcome my learned lesson how harsh humans can be, and downright disrespectful (respectful meaning that seeing the other as just a human being as oneself). As long as it is morally upright, any job is worthy to be respected.

If results are the ultimate goal, what's the meaning of life then? What happens when the goal, i.e. results, are reached? Why are there so many ppl feeling a sense of emptiness, or at times even overwhelming emptiness, especially in the era and place where there is sufficient food and shelter (and in the era where success is equated with wealth, as more wants can be satisfied)?"
            --26/12/13 fb status

Under the law or not

Weirdly, I had the notion that probably there's a 断章取义(taken out of context http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/ttiensong/article?mid=-2&prev=963&l=f&fid=16O) with regards to this, in the sense: the misunderstanding of these verses, thinking that it is a ticket to do things as and how they like. 

Romans 6:14

New International Version (NIV)

14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

http://icyelimworld.blogspot.sg/2013/10/wrongs.html : Romans 3: ¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God.

Either ways, the bible does not encourage crimes. 

Romans 6:14 means that one is able to reject temptations to committing crime, that is, have a chance fighting back against the devil whom seeks the destruction of mankind. And that is through salvation, we are under His grace and mercy, which binds us to Him, and His laws, which are also against crimes, As if we love Him, we would follow His teachings (John 14:23New International Version
Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. http://biblehub.com/john/14-23.htm). And hence therefore Romans 3:19.

The phrase "it says to those who are under the law" in Romans 3:19 is NOT to be understood as those who are not under the law, the law does nothing to them. It is basically because of Romans 6:14 cross-refer to John 14:23, that the law does nothing to them because they did not commit anything that the law forbids. 

And with regards to the teaching that "not under the law, but under my commandments", the standard is not just the behavioural actions but even thoughts. The sermon or bible study resource that I saw before: the word "covert" in the ten commandments, dictionary meaning: "to wish for" "desire eagerly" http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/covet?s=t; it's thoughts. Even thoughts is the same as carrying out the action.

Perhaps it's time to speak up about this, and good thing (frm my perspective--my human weakness)  that this blog's traffic isn't that huge (from the stats per post: the one that is visible on the post lists on the dashboard besides each post)...And I don't think many would try to and dare to claim that this experience was experienced by them. I'm only speaking up because of certain things since it has come to this--most of the things seemed to be revealed--as in the human/reality stuff...

I still don't have answers to these except that I know that it's His way of telling me that He's always with me, and comforting me when I needed comfort, especially when no one can reach me: the depths of it--reality: no one is always by one's side, there are times when one is alone, really alone--physically alone, cognitively alone. True (actually, I don't think that anyone would claim that it was them), it was me who--I don't know how to put it in words--there was a few times last time, when I was sad, that kind of sadness that pours straight out of the depths of my heart and I looked out of the window--there were trees and, thus of cause, leaves--and there was a gust of wind that blew forth and the leaves swayed and it was only the area that I looked at. And another time, I was feeling a little mischievous, and also from the depths of my heart, I was blowing at the candle that was a few feet away from where I was sitting, and a gust of wind juz appeared near the candle--the flame flicked to one side. And another time, I sneezed, juz purely, simply sneezed without thinking about anything, and then the leaves that were outside the window rustled, and the thing is the window was closed! That shocked me, and it was a few times, so it seemed as though

These are different from eye contact in human/animals interaction! The eyes are windows of the soul. It's hard to hide one's actual emotions that is reflected in one's eyes. Some ppl who witnessed both of these and thought that my eyes were magical or witchcraft. And of cause, there's also those things about Armageddon and the eyes thingy (I won't say which domination but the domination wasn't in the list of domination that I posted earlier on)--it was during end of 2012, 2011, around that time period. Many matters, events, mindsets, concepts, and beliefs collided together, and formed this whole messy snowball.

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."--1 Corinthians 1:27

The parable of the weeds and the parable of the sow

the plight of something (not appropriate to mention, and also don't try to find and pinpoint who, look into yourself first) reminded me of the parable of the sow. I intended to search for the explanation of the parable of the sow, lest my explanation of the parable's lacking, for I didn't study and graduate from Trinity or any bible college.  But I typed in the parable of the weeds instead (because that was what I remembered it as; I studied and read the parables in Chinese Sunday school...) and found the below explanation...

http://graceandspace.org/welcome/home/365-days-with-the-lord/302-the-explanation-of-the-parable-of-the-weeds.html

the bile passage of the parable of the weeds



The bible passage of the parable of the sow
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+13

and the explanation
http://www.gotquestions.org/parable-sower.html

Elayne Teng

And ultimately, whether anyone is righteous or not, it's not up to us to judge

http://biblehub.com/matthew/7-1.htm

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

biblehub.com

You also, which have judged your sisters, bear your own shame for ? Judge not, and you shall not be judged: condemn not, and you shall ?

 

directly frm my fb...

This i have to clarify. Seriously, if it seemed as though if it's juz abt me, myself and myself, it's wrong.  When my online alias names 冰月blogspot, 冰月wordpress and my real name Elayne Teng are being mentioned but weirdly not referring to me when the ppl talking is in fact talking abt me, how else can I mention or refer to my various alias names. And also, I posted  my blogspot and wordpress links updates on my page and my fb, it2 because some readers might not have fb accounts and thus they are not able to read the post if I posted on fb and if they dont know my fb name, they can't read my fb posts.

I also posted this on my fb too.

当爱成了害

My apologies.  I cant think in chinese for now...still not able to switch gear fully yet...but this had been on my mind for a long while and I think it's time to address this matter/topic now or probably I shld have done that earlier.

If one's definition of love is not of 1 Corinthians,  there's a high possibility that it could go wrong. Instead of 珍惜, it becomes obsessive, and 宠 is a very thin line, i. e. 宠can become 宠坏. And that's also when the phrase comes about "when love becomes hatred"--those love-hate crimes. But if one goes back to the definition in 1 Corinthians,  爱是不计算别人的恶  and 爱是不 嫉妒不张狂, 不喜欢不义只喜欢真理, that type of love--in love-hate crimes--is not love. In fact, in love, there's no hatred. And love is just, "不喜欢不义只喜欢真理", only likes the truth.

Childish vs Childlike

During once of the sessions, which we talked over Christianity where I was talking about those 'voices' that question me about Christian stuff until I'm at loss at what to reply due to my lack of wisdom and knowledge--which actually hor motivated me to check up the biblical questions and also , we talked about to be Christlike, and to be Christlike besides the one that I mentioned in the BlogSpot post "Lesson on silence", childlike is also another characteristic. Our (Christian) dependence on Christ like a young child depending on his/her parents for food and shelter. eh, I'll try to phrase this Chinese phrase into English. I'll just type the Chinese phrase first...”只要父母开心，我就开心“childlike mentality. The child is happy when the parents are happy, not seeking any rewards, just purely happy because the parents are happy. That is a childlike behaviour too.

Well,  but when I search online just using search terms "the difference between childish and childlike",  I was surprised that it was a grammar thing, that is, it was a commonly confused words..
http://grammar.about.com/od/alightersideofwriting/a/Childish-And-Childlike.htm

PS: actually I thought of typing and searching for "the difference between childish and childlike last night but I was so tired and the degree urgency wasn't there, that is, the feeling of "I must post this now". By the way be careful of emotions too. One has to be well aware whether or not the emotion is God motivated/evoked or not. Well, perhaps He gave me a break, and it could be postponed till now.

9.45am: "so tired": my group members and me did the scale report from morning til 5 plus pm...we thought we were finishing soon so we didn't go and grab a bite for lunch...who knew we stopped at 5 plus and it's still not satisfactory...-_-|||

Christian dominations

Irritating ><...but I shan't let the irritation get to me
..

http://www.religionfacts.com/christianity/charts/denominations_beliefs.htm