This can be a bit personal...But the name Junyi, thank God this name is quite common, kept on coming up in a certain type of conversations, and it seemed to be causing a huge concern, even until now. Some good friends who supported him...Why did I keep on running away (running: not letting others reach me) during that time many years back? Why did I let myself be found, on the condition that if the person managed to find me by himself? In the past, when the person finds me, I'll run away immediately or hide again. That's why the only being that can reach me during those times was only Him, the Lord, and the cases of abused animals and ppl. It's not just shyness. Let it go. And there was also another reason why for this case, there were others who were attracted to him, and their pains I saw it, and I knew that he knows about it. And one of them backed out--the two of them were best friends; three of them good friends.And at that time, I still haven't grasp the full knowledge and understanding of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. So I still couldn't recognize infaturation and other levels of attraction. But I still hide myself. And furthermore, there's the issue of studies, and health.

Why did I then come out now? A family is built on trust (eh, not blind trust, but trust with truth in sight), and there's a direction, a thing that binds each other together. Stronger than just roles. Especially between the two heads of the households. A commitment to the family. The feeling that I had a role, a mission, in fact it can be considered a burden, became stronger as the events passed by. Whether I'm up to it, I'm very doubtful. But if I continue to be this doubtful, I'm doubting Him. Him who knows all things well, every single individual, every single plants and animals who had lived on earth, every single events, be it personal events or major events. But what's the process, I don't know. Whether I'm to be carrying this by myself or not, I'm not sure. I only know what had passed, and what I can pre-empt.

And actually I did wrote down my feelings in my private diary...perhaps that was why this strong notion of he can still get me back.