Elayne Teng

21 minutes ago via mobile · Edited

The issues in this wk's hello counselor...-_-|||...>~<...I tot it's different kind of concern than what is actually is when they mentioned the topic ...>~<

But I think I know why it got leaked out, as in His passiveness in letting it happen...when I clarify, though it is on the others part whether or not to take it, if they watch this wk's episode, it's obvious why it seemed that way. But the und...erlying messages behind the issues in the episode...is it obsession? Is it one of the seven deadly sins? How much issues/distress it caused when it becomes obsessive. And the last concern: it goes the same for any other different topic...it will still cause frustration but don't use this as an excuse. Reason can become excuses depending on one's attitude.

think I'll post this fb status here too...

"Elayne Teng

December 26 via mobile · Edited

Seriously, dont know why but I got so so irked by this. My parents migrated to Singapore and I was born a Singaporean citizen! There was someone who claimed to be me frm my parents' birthplace sometime ago, trying to take advantage of the slightly complicated nationality issue. Don't think that because I didn't retaliate means that I don't know abt it...that was why at one time I was so irritated by those seeking fame and recognition through passing off as someone else that I decided to stop all my works and see how they continue the act..."

Probably I should state the emphasis: posing of as someone for one's own greed.

I know that there are some who wanted to help others in life difficulties but couldn't reach to them and those others doubted whether the life difficulties and how I am now is true for they couldn't believe that those things happened to me, and also that if they believed it, they couldn't believe that I am how I am now, seemingly unscathed from those life difficulties.

Actually, I could have talked to those 'others' personally, have a one-to-one talk...

Today's 'chaos'

Today, I went to school for self-revision as per scheduled in my schedule. On my way to school, I heard that someone said in a very surprised tone that Rachel said that she will not go to school. Which Rachel, I do not recognize in face but I know that it's the Rachel who tried very hard to stick to (erm, there are many Sams rite...?) a Sam, and after knowing how attached, she tried all means to bring me down (that sounded similar again...but I know that she started it before probably in 2010, if I didn't get it wrongly and if ppl who were close to him were accurate from their observations and were truthful in that conversation that I hear behind my back, he did thought that what happened to me--the events--happened to her). She did stayed in the unit, above my unit, for a short time, and that's when I heard her talking to the tenants who lent her a room to stay. And it was around the same time that the one who got friends to sign in to her fb account and post comments, which was actually faking comments and opinions on her status.

My apologies if I sounded like letting out all information out but the things that she does is really way out of line. I heard that Sam was asked (not sure if it's more like got kicked out or just asked) to go out of the door today. If she really liked him, this is not the way. Deceiving. Using deception to turn everyone to her side. And the thing is it seemed as though it is the norm in a certain 'group'. And it's selfish obsession. And it just so happens that she has the same name that one of my best friend, and two acquaintance have. That Rachel that I mentioned in my private blog, I was referring to the Rachel whom I know, have talked to back in my high school days. And the Rachel whom if I did mention during SHAREZ outings was referring to my best friend.

What I wrote in my private blog were true to the core. My actual thoughts at that time, my experiences, my hardships. I did not write it for the sake of gaining attention. For goodness's sake, I knew how the world operates at a very young age, furthermore being at the receiving end. It already caused me PTSD. It took me a lot of courage and effort to get out of it, and some effects/phobia, still stayed with me till now. I would have ran away from those kind of attention. Those freaking attention. That was why I was so reluctant to type some of the BlogSpot posts, especially some of those in 2010, 2011. But simply because of what I had gone through, I seriously could not sit back and watch it from unfolding and seeing the world spiral down until there's no use for solutions anymore.

K. Back to that. I was very sure of my guess that Rachel said that because she heard frm someone or others that I withdraw from the school's fellowship because I couldn't stay back for long. And I actually did posted "Ephesians 6: Honour your parents and the sword of the Sprit" on my fb status after that stressful--in a sense(it created a strain)--fb message. However, I did said that I am a bit unpredictable in one of my BlogSpot post. It's exam stress. I need to practice and be sure of myself before the exam dates close in, and totally freaking out. If she had read every posts, she would have known better to not declare what I will be or what I will not be doing or wearing etc. Diligence. And even if she is diligent, the Lord knows what He allows to happen, and when to intervene.

And seriously, it shows something about that person who believe what she said, and showed him the door. And those who spread those malicious rumours. And please, he had gone through enough. It's politics game, a game of fame and those kinds of icky, yakky things. And it seemed as though he's not quite apt in reading other's intentions behind their actions. Thank god  for God. I only knew of it today that he was the one who swap my id with his (name) to protect me. Seriously. I knew that ppl were mistaking me for him. But I didn't know it was him. Much more his intentions. Though I could have guess his intentions if I knew it was him.

Seriously just because junyi and some others believed in the wrong bible and understanding of the bible, does it mean that the Lord that Christians believe is what they believe is? Seriously!

This can be a bit personal...But the name Junyi, thank God this name is quite common, kept on coming up in a certain type of conversations, and it seemed to be causing a huge concern, even until now. Some good friends who supported him...Why did I keep on running away (running: not letting others reach me) during that time many years back? Why did I let myself be found, on the condition that if the person managed to find me by himself? In the past, when the person finds me, I'll run away immediately or hide again. That's why the only being that can reach me during those times was only Him, the Lord, and the cases of abused animals and ppl. It's not just shyness. Let it go. And there was also another reason why for this case, there were others who were attracted to him, and their pains I saw it, and I knew that he knows about it. And one of them backed out--the two of them were best friends; three of them good friends.And at that time, I still haven't grasp the full knowledge and understanding of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. So I still couldn't recognize infaturation and other levels of attraction. But I still hide myself. And furthermore, there's the issue of studies, and health.

Why did I then come out now? A family is built on trust (eh, not blind trust, but trust with truth in sight), and there's a direction, a thing that binds each other together. Stronger than just roles. Especially between the two heads of the households. A commitment to the family. The feeling that I had a role, a mission, in fact it can be considered a burden, became stronger as the events passed by. Whether I'm up to it, I'm very doubtful. But if I continue to be this doubtful, I'm doubting Him. Him who knows all things well, every single individual, every single plants and animals who had lived on earth, every single events, be it personal events or major events. But what's the process, I don't know. Whether I'm to be carrying this by myself or not, I'm not sure. I only know what had passed, and what I can pre-empt.

And actually I did wrote down my feelings in my private diary...perhaps that was why this strong notion of he can still get me back.

Thought to also post it here as there's some important matters/issues embedded in it...


"Guess I got too concerned with marks instead of the process...and I did changed the base article two times towards the deadline...still, lost sight of what's the most important thing: it's not the results but the learning process...good thing that the Lord pulled me back, can't say anything about His method though...^^ I wasn't that concerned about my results for quite some time already...guess it's really when the subtle messages get into one's subconsciousness and from the subconsciousness being brought out into the conscious mind...I knew that many ppl were watching my grades...and I knew what they are thinking...true, results reflects one's capability and one's effort but it's not always the case. It's a "may", not a confirmatory statement/fact. I do better in the background than in the spotlight. That's a fact. Until I overcome my learned lesson how harsh humans can be, and downright disrespectful (respectful meaning that seeing the other as just a human being as oneself). As long as it is morally upright, any job is worthy to be respected.

If results are the ultimate goal, what's the meaning of life then? What happens when the goal, i.e. results, are reached? Why are there so many ppl feeling a sense of emptiness, or at times even overwhelming emptiness, especially in the era and place where there is sufficient food and shelter (and in the era where success is equated with wealth, as more wants can be satisfied)?"
            --26/12/13 fb status

Under the law or not

Weirdly, I had the notion that probably there's a 断章取义(taken out of context http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/ttiensong/article?mid=-2&prev=963&l=f&fid=16O) with regards to this, in the sense: the misunderstanding of these verses, thinking that it is a ticket to do things as and how they like. 

Romans 6:14

New International Version (NIV)

14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

http://icyelimworld.blogspot.sg/2013/10/wrongs.html : Romans 3: ¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God.

Either ways, the bible does not encourage crimes. 

Romans 6:14 means that one is able to reject temptations to committing crime, that is, have a chance fighting back against the devil whom seeks the destruction of mankind. And that is through salvation, we are under His grace and mercy, which binds us to Him, and His laws, which are also against crimes, As if we love Him, we would follow His teachings (John 14:23New International Version
Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. http://biblehub.com/john/14-23.htm). And hence therefore Romans 3:19.

The phrase "it says to those who are under the law" in Romans 3:19 is NOT to be understood as those who are not under the law, the law does nothing to them. It is basically because of Romans 6:14 cross-refer to John 14:23, that the law does nothing to them because they did not commit anything that the law forbids. 

And with regards to the teaching that "not under the law, but under my commandments", the standard is not just the behavioural actions but even thoughts. The sermon or bible study resource that I saw before: the word "covert" in the ten commandments, dictionary meaning: "to wish for" "desire eagerly" http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/covet?s=t; it's thoughts. Even thoughts is the same as carrying out the action.

Perhaps it's time to speak up about this, and good thing (frm my perspective--my human weakness)  that this blog's traffic isn't that huge (from the stats per post: the one that is visible on the post lists on the dashboard besides each post)...And I don't think many would try to and dare to claim that this experience was experienced by them. I'm only speaking up because of certain things since it has come to this--most of the things seemed to be revealed--as in the human/reality stuff...

I still don't have answers to these except that I know that it's His way of telling me that He's always with me, and comforting me when I needed comfort, especially when no one can reach me: the depths of it--reality: no one is always by one's side, there are times when one is alone, really alone--physically alone, cognitively alone. True (actually, I don't think that anyone would claim that it was them), it was me who--I don't know how to put it in words--there was a few times last time, when I was sad, that kind of sadness that pours straight out of the depths of my heart and I looked out of the window--there were trees and, thus of cause, leaves--and there was a gust of wind that blew forth and the leaves swayed and it was only the area that I looked at. And another time, I was feeling a little mischievous, and also from the depths of my heart, I was blowing at the candle that was a few feet away from where I was sitting, and a gust of wind juz appeared near the candle--the flame flicked to one side. And another time, I sneezed, juz purely, simply sneezed without thinking about anything, and then the leaves that were outside the window rustled, and the thing is the window was closed! That shocked me, and it was a few times, so it seemed as though

These are different from eye contact in human/animals interaction! The eyes are windows of the soul. It's hard to hide one's actual emotions that is reflected in one's eyes. Some ppl who witnessed both of these and thought that my eyes were magical or witchcraft. And of cause, there's also those things about Armageddon and the eyes thingy (I won't say which domination but the domination wasn't in the list of domination that I posted earlier on)--it was during end of 2012, 2011, around that time period. Many matters, events, mindsets, concepts, and beliefs collided together, and formed this whole messy snowball.

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."--1 Corinthians 1:27

The parable of the weeds and the parable of the sow

the plight of something (not appropriate to mention, and also don't try to find and pinpoint who, look into yourself first) reminded me of the parable of the sow. I intended to search for the explanation of the parable of the sow, lest my explanation of the parable's lacking, for I didn't study and graduate from Trinity or any bible college.  But I typed in the parable of the weeds instead (because that was what I remembered it as; I studied and read the parables in Chinese Sunday school...) and found the below explanation...

http://graceandspace.org/welcome/home/365-days-with-the-lord/302-the-explanation-of-the-parable-of-the-weeds.html

the bile passage of the parable of the weeds



The bible passage of the parable of the sow
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+13

and the explanation
http://www.gotquestions.org/parable-sower.html

Elayne Teng

And ultimately, whether anyone is righteous or not, it's not up to us to judge

http://biblehub.com/matthew/7-1.htm

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

biblehub.com

You also, which have judged your sisters, bear your own shame for ? Judge not, and you shall not be judged: condemn not, and you shall ?

 

directly frm my fb...

This i have to clarify. Seriously, if it seemed as though if it's juz abt me, myself and myself, it's wrong.  When my online alias names 冰月blogspot, 冰月wordpress and my real name Elayne Teng are being mentioned but weirdly not referring to me when the ppl talking is in fact talking abt me, how else can I mention or refer to my various alias names. And also, I posted  my blogspot and wordpress links updates on my page and my fb, it2 because some readers might not have fb accounts and thus they are not able to read the post if I posted on fb and if they dont know my fb name, they can't read my fb posts.

I also posted this on my fb too.

当爱成了害

My apologies.  I cant think in chinese for now...still not able to switch gear fully yet...but this had been on my mind for a long while and I think it's time to address this matter/topic now or probably I shld have done that earlier.

If one's definition of love is not of 1 Corinthians,  there's a high possibility that it could go wrong. Instead of 珍惜, it becomes obsessive, and 宠 is a very thin line, i. e. 宠can become 宠坏. And that's also when the phrase comes about "when love becomes hatred"--those love-hate crimes. But if one goes back to the definition in 1 Corinthians,  爱是不计算别人的恶  and 爱是不 嫉妒不张狂, 不喜欢不义只喜欢真理, that type of love--in love-hate crimes--is not love. In fact, in love, there's no hatred. And love is just, "不喜欢不义只喜欢真理", only likes the truth.

Childish vs Childlike

During once of the sessions, which we talked over Christianity where I was talking about those 'voices' that question me about Christian stuff until I'm at loss at what to reply due to my lack of wisdom and knowledge--which actually hor motivated me to check up the biblical questions and also , we talked about to be Christlike, and to be Christlike besides the one that I mentioned in the BlogSpot post "Lesson on silence", childlike is also another characteristic. Our (Christian) dependence on Christ like a young child depending on his/her parents for food and shelter. eh, I'll try to phrase this Chinese phrase into English. I'll just type the Chinese phrase first...”只要父母开心，我就开心“childlike mentality. The child is happy when the parents are happy, not seeking any rewards, just purely happy because the parents are happy. That is a childlike behaviour too.

Well,  but when I search online just using search terms "the difference between childish and childlike",  I was surprised that it was a grammar thing, that is, it was a commonly confused words..
http://grammar.about.com/od/alightersideofwriting/a/Childish-And-Childlike.htm

PS: actually I thought of typing and searching for "the difference between childish and childlike last night but I was so tired and the degree urgency wasn't there, that is, the feeling of "I must post this now". By the way be careful of emotions too. One has to be well aware whether or not the emotion is God motivated/evoked or not. Well, perhaps He gave me a break, and it could be postponed till now.

9.45am: "so tired": my group members and me did the scale report from morning til 5 plus pm...we thought we were finishing soon so we didn't go and grab a bite for lunch...who knew we stopped at 5 plus and it's still not satisfactory...-_-|||

Christian dominations

Irritating ><...but I shan't let the irritation get to me
..

http://www.religionfacts.com/christianity/charts/denominations_beliefs.htm

The Power of a Life Well-Lived by Joe Stowell

The Power of a Life Well-Lived by Joe Stowell
http://getmorestrength.org/daily/the-power-of-a-life-well-lived/

thoughts

Once, before I thought that when I finally come out, and show myself, when the world (doesn't matter the percentage) know me and found me, I would go and hide myself again in whichever I was hiding with--a 'cold mask', or in whatever He provides*, lest I get too overwhelmed with the attention and whatever effects it brings, e.g. in 仙剑奇侠传里的灵儿治了那村民的毒时or the jealousy and envy.

Apparently,  it's not up to me. ^^ And gladly so to leave it to Him.^^

*e.g. my pimples condition, my weight, the type of clothes/apparels,  even my phobias i.e. stage fright--sometimes it's manageable sometimes it's out of control so the performances or presentations at times is at my best of ability--like today it's ard 80%, at times it's only like 30% of my abilities (though that's also not within my control)...that's why things happen for reasons which at times we do not understand i.e. "why me"...

Thought to post this here too (first posted it on fb status today: 28//11/13)

Today's daily bread: doctrines of Christ and the Holy Spirit: The Atonement (Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem, 2007)...

The hardest part was to read and study the section on The Nature of the Atonement:Christ's Sufferings for Us: The Pain of the Cross: Bearing the Wrath of God. Hardest because what had we done by putting this innocent being through such suffering... before I quote the part let me first quote this

"[Jesus] "having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end" (John 13:1)"

and it was necessary for Him a total innocent being to carry our sins in order for God to be merciful and yet maintaining His righteousness--His attribute. "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) and also Romans 3:25-26 "This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins; it was to prove at the present time that he himself is righteous and that he justifies him who has faith in Jesus" (Grudem used RSV for this biblical verse)

But then the wrath of God--the intensity of it--"Jesus became the object of the intense hatred of sin and vengeance against sin which God had patiently stored up since the beginning of the world" (Grudem, 2007) and "[the] heavenly Father, who is "of purer eyes to behold evil" (Hab 1:13).

饒恕 (quotation)

"饒恕是一份很難的功課...。饒恕絕對不是遺忘，相反的，你必須一一面對過去的傷害，­一一的原諒。對於一個沒有經歷到神的愛的人來說，這無疑是一種二次傷害。因此許多人只­是選擇遺忘，假裝自己已經原諒了，但其實心裡面累積很多傷。真正的饒恕，並不是一般人­印象中的以高姿態來原諒別人，而是先要承認自己軟弱受傷，沒有能力原諒，再為他們，也­為自己，祈求天父的赦免，這樣神的愛才能進到你受傷之處，在醫治的同時，也使你得著饒­恕他人的能力。”
       ---Allen7575 (from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi9ADuMga0A&list=RDDqdVMpHKORc; and that's also a nice, meaningful song " 在祢手中"

Lesson on silence (2)

I went to party world for my belated birthday treat with a friend. Seriously, pardon me, I couldn't help but get annoyed and I had to type this out like now because of the probable hurt that my close siblings in Christ might sustain, at the beginning it was still ok, despite me knowing somewhat rather like a hindsight that apparently there were some sayings about wearing pink is not 'me'--that was still alright, at least there was no violent outbursts in public. It was when I went with my parents for dinner in the same area that those things start again, and my cause/level of concern is higher than before are for now, I stand not only for myself but my brethren and my Lord. Fine if those people can't take in, if when they are corrected (once again I couldn't tell them or talk to them for they are really really strangers), but seriously I just wished that this line would be immediately prove itself though "John 13:35 New International Version (NIV) ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” 

Of cause, if one is reacting according to human nature, AND THAT IS WHEN THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG, if there is a chance, one would not admit of things that would prove or show that they are in the wrong, for their pride and probably they know how bad the wrong is, which caused them to fear to reveal that they did something wrong. Just look at a child who did something wrong, e.g. eating the biscuit when told not to, the sheepish look on their faces...

It's maturity that leads one to admit one's mistakes when one really did make a mistake. The graver the mistake is, the greater guts required to admit it.

And I'm this person https://www.facebook.com/elayne.teng seriously...

Lesson on trusting Him completely...

I didn't expect this, which was what I thought at the beginning when the thought or things came to my attention--'side attention'.

Things and events, what's going to happen or what is happening which is not within my surroundings I don't know, unless it's in the papers or etc...But this I know, the Lord's will will always be greater than thine will (it sort of feels that I read it somewhere before but I can't remember it's said by who...) ^^

This was from my fb status a few days ago--19th nov, and some things triggered me and reminded me of this again...
"
    "不求thoughts己的益处,
只愿永随主,
让他的名得该得的荣耀。"
And also
 what He establish in Him will not fall;
 And what He didn't establish will fall.
 Even things/matter/relations that are not discussed and taught in the Bible.*
 My thoughts:
 But sometimes, it's just a wall of darkness that blocks the connection and cause us to think that it's not establish in Him. BUT it can only be seen with the help of the Holy Spirit. The Chinese saying "blood is thicker than water", connections that are established in Christ are even stronger than that as His Words are absolute.
 But then again, He gives and He takes..."恩上加恩"but when the gift is rejected or one doesn't use it wisely, He takes away.
 *maybe I should be clearer, things/ matter/ relations that are not discussed such as personalised advice such as whether or not should I go to jc or polytechnic, what does God wants me to be: a doctor, a lawyer, or a stall holder. But then again, if one knows what God wants from His Children, and taking consideration of various things, I shan't say much here for each God's children have different experiences in this, one will know what God wants one to be." ---fb status on 19th nov

Romans 11:33-36
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[i] knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”[j]
35 “Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”[k]
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.
---NIV

That's why at times I really get thrown back by matters that do happen...and that reminded me of the lesson/ past experiences that I had learnt, when I expected something to happen, the opposite happen, but at times when I expected nothing to happen, thinking that when I expected something to happen the opposite happen, so hence I shouldn't expect anything to happen, something happens...-_-|||

Lesson on silence

When I first heard those false accusations of me having no morals and got so stressed and immensely trying to defend myself with no veil due to a simple reason: I have no idea who those people are, and those who did verbally say it in front of me, when I thought of defending myself, those people already left. And my source of stress is not just purely from the anger of being wrongly accused but also that I grew up learning to be pure and just even in thoughts. And also it was so much better if those accussors really went to the Court, for then the evidences that I did not do it would be out. Those threats about submitting their claims to the High Court, I keep on expecting those threats to be true so that my innocence would be proven but it didn't come. And then probably when they realized that I wasn't afraid of being brought up to court, individuals who claimed themselves to be me, including my pen name, came out. Then I got worried over whether the evidences would be 'mishandled', it's been a long time since i used these category of words so I can't really recall what the word is. I was on the verge of calling the authorities myself, when things got so intense with people coming after me, and threats to drag me away to a certain place.

My psychologist whom I was seeking help from because of these issues, and some other old hurts, told me this lesson: when Jesus was being accused He didn't reply those who maligned Him, and also the time when the woman who was found in the act of committing adultery and was brought to Him by the pharisees who were finding fault with Him, for if Jesus agreed with them and said that indeed according to the law of Mosses, she should be stoned, but if Jesus said that, the pharisees would say that He doesn't do what He preaches--to forgive sinners etc.; but if Jesus do not agree with them, He is doing what He preaches but He is accountable to the law (the incident is recorded in John 8:1-11).
I'm still struggling with this and have much more to learn in this lesson of silence. It's a lifelong lesson to work on. And also while yet to keep silence, also know when to stay silence and when to speak out--that's why when the misunderstandings of Him and His Words, I couldn't bear it and spoke out...

The below is a lengthy commentary (?) on His silence during His trial. http://www.safeinthearmsofgod.org/resources/bible-qna/BQ052113/The-Silence-of-Jesus

Oh and on the same website, there's another sermon on false prophets and true prophets  http://www.safeinthearmsofgod.org/resources/sermons/80-409/an-appeal-to-charismatic-pretenders-john-macarthur...

Spent a little longer time typing this 'cos was reading the articles...   (a few minutes after publishing this post: eh, the article on the false prophets and true prophets, the tone is a little harsh which may be offending to some, but rightfully harsh...)

And after reading the second sermon: that's why I study the bible, reading systematic theology besides reading other daily breads, mediate, and pray so often that my prayers at times got disrupted by ppl around me who want to talk to me. And I should have recognized the direction which a particular group had gone, especially after the head of the group said certain things, I should have been alerted to the attitudes...but why is it so easy for that group to go into the various directions while trying to stay on board of the Lord's vessel? O.O

Seriously, know one's limit. Help if one can help, but don't try to help when one's not clear of most things. But that excludes knowing God, if one constantly knows God, and sees things from His perspective and react accordingly to the Holy Spirit's guidance, then one's help would not be so tiring for me!

Those images of battlecry etc. are just images, metaphors, for those kind of battles are battles of the past! Good thing that God's working with me, or rather, I'm working with Him...-_-||| And once again, I said I don't talk much, interact physically much with others! Especially with those living near me, except for my family!


What we get wrong about wwjd (what would Jesus do): If you want to follow Jesus, you have to know what He is really doing---By Paul Penley

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/what-we-get-wrong-about-wwjd

Beauty

saw this private blog post when I was searching for the Chinese poem that I wrote, I think a few years back, to convert it into PDF file and publish it on my wordpress. Thought to post "Beauty" here as once again the issue pops up, it was a bit late--this posting. And once again, if my tone comes across as much more than mild...

"
Another thing since this pops up more often nowadays than the other word. and I finally somewhat got back some of my energy, though I dont know whether it'll last for long. Definitions of a word differs from one to another depending on one's perspective. What is beautiful to one may not be beautiful to others. Some associate beautiful with personality etc. Some associate the word with physical appearance. One's self-esteem, confidence and attitude would affect one's aura. That's another factor for beauty. Why the saying nature's beautiful? In what way is nature beautiful? Is someone who had a good personality more beautiful than someone who is physically beautiful? What about the movie 'beautiful mind' then? What about those elders who toiled hard in the fields or construction site, whose hands and faces had weathered due to it? Then what about McCartney's "Vincent"? Is Vincent beautiful? Is his drawings beautiful? Is the meaning behind a minor action beautiful or an extravagant action more beautiful? Each individual has their own interpretations. By the way, it's just a reminder that there are individual differences. Thought that this may turn out to be quite hurtful to some ( especially with body and verbal language becomes unconsciously harsh), especially those who are standing in the corners if it progresses and the definition of beauty becomes more and more stringently physical, in the long run. that's actually how aneroxia and bulimia phenomenon started out. and I also reminded me of anne in the series of "Anne of...". She's not aneroxia though. It was the colour of her hair. And I think I wrote this too early but who knows whether i have enough energy left when it's required.
                                     --on  2011/11/19       

逼迫与恩典

I probably should have posted the fb status as a blog post here (it seemed too long on the fb status...) ....
感慨：

约伯记：当撒旦想刁难约伯时，耶和华答应撒但的当儿，耶和华也说 “：“凡他所有的都在你手中，只是不可伸手加害于他。” （约伯记1：12）

又 诗篇 91：11-16...

因他要为你吩咐他的使者，在你行的一切道路上保护你。12 他们要用手托着你，免得你的脚碰在石头上。13 你要踹在狮子和虺蛇的身上，践踏少壮狮子和大蛇。
14 神说：“因为他专心爱我，我就要搭救他；因为他知道我的名，我要把他安置在高处。15 他若求告我，我就应允他；他在急难中，我要与他同在。我要搭救他，使他尊贵。16 我要使他足享长寿，将我的救恩显明给他。”

主的恩典乃是一生之久 (诗篇三十篇)   http://youtu.be/5gC6ff8NciM

Juz thought of writing it down

After hearing thunder speaking and water speaking, and breathing speaking etc., I thought to myself, what cannot be replicated by humans? Wind. It seemed that wind cannot be replicated on a large scale, humans can only predict the wind direction and when it's coming, and even then it's not 100% accurate. There are too many factors to replicate. In fact most things cannot be replicate in the real-world context. Too many factors affecting the results. And the discovery of gear mechanisms in an insect's legs (can't remember what insect), there was an argument put forth that humans are smarter, there is no God as humans came up with the concept of gear mechanisms, i.e. in watches etc., even before the insect is discovered. But the thing is, does the insect exist before the watches existed? Or even: can a human create an insect, I'm not referring to insect robots but a real living insect that have cell-structure, biological system, and looks, texture, functions exactly the same as the original insect, with the function of digesting food and poo, the waste which is the digested food, and eat (which is not set by timers etc.), and breathing, that is oxygen coming in and carbon dioxide going out?

Now that I think about it, for me, it was after I found out about the various attributes of God that I heard those things speaking. Embarrassed to say when I was in Sunday school I didn't pay much attention to the details, i.e. in the old testament, when God spoke, He has a voice of a thunder; His voice was heard in the wind that engulfed His servant when He showed Himself to him and asked him to turn around and not face Him for His glory/His Holiness is unbearable to a human. God breathed into the human and the man took his first breath in Genesis, and thus the not-yet-alive human was given a soul by God. But the thing about the sound of the helicopter speaking, it was not in alignment. And the thing is, it seemed as though I was not the only who hear thunder speaking, water speaking etc. And thus it was possible that the intention was to make me stray away from Him, wrong understanding of Him and His Will. Hence, again, the part about the empowerment of the voices are not of Him, which I mentioned in previous posts.

Just saw the fb post that was posted in the morning, yesterday, abt the website thingy...If there are some who agreed to allow the launching of that website, thinking that I would do something about it like about the misunderstanding of His Words etc. (I may have misread the atmosphere), there's a limit to what I can do, and REALLY, I'm not physically strong, like an average person, I'm even weaker than them. Do you know how much my health suffered and went downhill throughout the recent episode, the malignment etc.? My heart almost stopped beating at one point in time. Literally. And I still remembered why and where it happened. And it was different from the other time when it happened in high school. In high school, it can be considered partly my fault, I was trying hard to study, and balancing my CCA role and responsibilities and studies, and the long hours wore me out. Seriously...-_-||| And I still haven't fully recovered, my health.

Isn't it easier to manage it at the top level of management instead of some nobody for this kind of matters? And it was already clear: the cons were listed out, it's not as though . There's ample reasons to reject the launching. And most of us use the internet very often, what if a kid stumbled accidently onto the website and think that it was normal, alright thing? Like the porno sites. Take a look at the cases where underage engages in such acts, thinking that it was alright, i.e. He loves me, I love him, so it's alright. But is it really alright? There are reports where those kids who engaged in sexual intercourse, the girls, felt extremely ashamed, and some were on the verge of self-mutilation. Oh and also the self-mutilation issue: "it's alright. fun and reduces the extreme emotional pain that we are feeling. and also many does that. it's a norm, an in-thing" mindset. Argh!

I had a close shave with self-mutilation in a sense, differently from others. I was thinking about how my class were extremely demoralized over something, and some of them had cuts on their wrists, it was their way of releasing their anguish, disappointment, their way of coping, BUT negatively, there are more healthier ways to cope with the emotional pain. And then I thought about my own troubles. And then finally, I snapped. I just took whatever I had in my hand and started rubbing it with my wrist. All without conscious thinking.Thank God it was just a mechanical pencil. Dangerous. Just thinking of it can result in carrying out the deed. And the impact of familiarity, that is, seeing something very often, eh how to put it in a nicer way (i'm quite blunt)..., such as watching a certain tv ad for a number of times, and then when one see the advertised product, one buys the product when one doesn't really need the product. It's the same concept.

Was tidying up one of the latest blog post of my private blog...I thought i had left it stagnant for around two years but it was actually around one year -_-|||... and then when I was typing, and searching for the bible verse on this:

Romans 13

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

Obey Those in Authority

13 All of you must be willing to obey completely those who rule over you. There are no authorities except the ones God has chosen. Those who now rule have been chosen by God. 2 So when you oppose the authorities, you are opposing those whom God has appointed. Those who do that will be judged.

3 If you do what is right, you won’t need to be afraid of your rulers. But watch out if you do what is wrong! You don’t want to be afraid of those in authority, do you? Then do what is right. The one in authority will praise you. 4 He serves God and will do you good. But if you do wrong, watch out! The ruler doesn’t carry a sword for no reason at all. He serves God. And God is carrying out his anger through him. The ruler punishes anyone who does wrong.

5 You must obey the authorities. Then you will not be punished. You must also obey them because you know it is right.

6 That’s also why you pay taxes. The authorities serve God. Ruling takes up all their time. 7 Give to everyone what you owe. Do you owe taxes? Then pay them. Do you owe anything else to the government? Then pay it. Do you owe respect? Then give it. Do you owe honor? Then show it.

I came across this (Romans 13: 8): 

Love, Because the Day Is Near

8 Pay everything you owe. But you can never pay back all the love you owe each other. Those who love others have done everything the law requires. 9 Here are some commandments to think about. “Do not commit adultery.” “Do not commit murder.” “Do not steal.” “Do not want what belongs to others.” (Exodus 20:13–15,17; Deuteronomy 5:17–19,21) These and other commandments are all included in one rule. Here’s what it is. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18)10 Love does not harm its neighbor. So love does everything the law requires.

I knew that love ( the definition of love is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7*) does everything the law requires but apparently all I did was, and is, to just look upon His cross and follow His teachings. O.O When troubles come, and the intensity is high and can't see or think about anything else except for the real dangers and distress, just look towards Him, rely upon Him, and persevere in His ways....

"It’s so easy, isn’t it, to fixate on the very real dangers and distress that come with life’s problems. And yet our loving, gracious, infinitely powerful heavenly Father calls out to us: “Look up here; it’s going to be okay. I’ve got you, and I will bring you in safely.”--Strength for the journey

The full paragraph:

Love, Because the Day Is Near

8 Pay everything you owe. But you can never pay back all the love you owe each other. Those who love others have done everything the law requires. 9 Here are some commandments to think about. “Do not commit adultery.” “Do not commit murder.” “Do not steal.” “Do not want what belongs to others.” (Exodus 20:13–15,17; Deuteronomy 5:17–19,21) These and other commandments are all included in one rule. Here’s what it is. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18)10 Love does not harm its neighbor. So love does everything the law requires.

11 When you do those things, keep in mind the times we are living in. The hour has come for you to wake up from your sleep. Our full salvation is closer now than it was when we first believed in Christ.12 The dark night of evil is nearly over. The day of Christ’s return is almost here. So let us get rid of the works of darkness. Let us put on the armor of light.

13 Let us act as we should, like people living in the daytime. Have nothing to do with wild parties. Don’t get drunk. Don’t take part in sexual sins or evil conduct. Don’t fight with each other. Don’t be jealous of anyone.

14 Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ as your clothing. Don’t think about how to satisfy what your sinful nature wants.

*1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And hor, weirdly the verses from Romans 13:1-7 seem to hit me in a strange way, that is, how come it seems as though I'm seeing my own reflection...-_-|||..the sword=the sword of the Holy Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17), which is the Bible as it records His words and works..."and the God is carrying out his through him" errr, not perfectly so yet but err...I feel really angered when His words were distorted by those who go against Him and then I try to straight that out using the bible verses etc...err...-_-|||and then when His words are shown, one's wrongdoings become obvious...-_-|||

Romans 13:1-7, as usual for all biblical verses, have to be understood in the biblical terms, from His perspective. Therefore first and foremost, understanding Him is very important, and therefore the apostle's creed is very important, as it explains who the Holy Trinity is in a nutshell. And therefore, usually the first things that we read in the bible is the gospel books, the first four books of the new testament, besides genesis and exodus.

After studying and reading on one of the chapters in syst. theology, a thought just came to mind. I wrote it in my notebook (a combi of biblical version of 随堂笔记 and 习字本) quite a long while ago, and heard the similar, is it called a message(?), thing during a sermon or a sharing (there's a limit to memory capacity...)  (weird I know, to those sceptical ones, and to those who tend to generalize things easily, don't study and read just for the sake of wanting to get spiritual predomination etc, that will be superstition.It's just a fine line between revelation and superstition, when one is bent on getting a revelation but the motive is wrong and becomes superstition, it's very easy to get misled. Instead, study His words for what it is. Whether or not one receive such gifts or grant a deeper level of understandings to this kind of matters is up to Him to give.)...

The truth stands. That's the unchanging fact. Therefore, at times, the truth will be mingled with untruths, such that it seems as though the untruths is the truth, but when the real test comes, only the part that has the truth will stand. And that's when the untruths will be revealed.

Hindsight: seriously, why is there a misunderstanding of things? I know that my prayers, thank God it's now some of them, are being 'heard' (to those who can't grasp it, bear with me. I also find it extremely absurd at the beginning but after I sort of understood it, the mechanisms behind it, the absurdity reduced greatly.), but seriously, I'm very tempted to think that those who 'hear' my thoughts etc. have very little knowledge of Christianity.

Matthew 7

New International Version (NIV)

Ask, Seek, Knock

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

K. There's something wrong with the format...I can't seem to un-bold the extract. But anyways,  therefore it's alright to ask Him, i.e. "grant me the wisdom to discern the way of life from the way of the wayward". But as I mentioned, it is always up to Him when to grant and what to grant, and of cause, if the request is against His attributes, He of cause won't grant the request.

(30/10: to those who trust what those sayings said I prayed: I hear(d) my prayers got twisted, when I'm praying and there's another voice repeating as though it was conveying my prayer to don't know who, but apparently to other ppl, my prayers got twisted especially when it is closer to His will and is poured out in the Holy Spirit. The important things is WHEN I GET TO THE PART 这样祷告是奉我主耶稣基督的圣名祈求啊amen, the words got horribly twisted and changed. According to Him,  John 4:1-3 ESV / " Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already."
So, that's why I strongly get a sense that the empowerment behind those voices, and the ability to hear my thoughts etc. directly from my mind is not from God, and it's a number of times already. I know what I did was dangerous but it was very suspicious. I tried praying the Lord's prayer, and the words got twisted, especially the ending part, I tried reciting the apostle's creed, and the content got twisted, I tried reading the book of Matthews, the voice that was loosely repeating ignored me, and I heard other voices saying ignore that bible, it's fake. That's when I decided to ignore the voices totally (though I'm still able to hear them, at times clearly, at times the voices sounded faded into the background). And that shows that the motive behind these things are very obvious, and there's many layers/level (literature meaning) to it. )

values

If one's moral values are corrupted, there's no way of getting the individual to see the wrong in their doings.

I feel like doing a thesis, a systematic review on the impact of promiscuity, on all aspects( : physical-the wear and tear; psychological-the repressed emotions), using Bronfenner's ecological model i.e. the microsystem, macro system etc....-_-||

Hmm...perhaps I should mention this,  why do one wants a friend's password to any account, be it an online platform such as blogs, fb, twitter? Eh, it looks very familiar. I think I wrote before, either in my private blog or this blog. I was there when someone's friends signed in using password the friend gave them to post comments (scripted ones) etc.  The person might get back at me for this disclosure but still feel that it's important,  the message behind it. Seriously, who would give another the password to an online social networking platform, especially when one of the reason one get an account on these social networking sites is to get in touch with others? It's a risk for you dont know what would happen. And if the reason is to avoid the person's social networking friends from finding out that the comments is by the person, wait, it doesn't even make sense to me. How or why did they accept that reason? All in all, it's dubious.

Anyone can enter an institution as long as they reach the criteria i.e. academic criteria. There are brothers and sisters in Christ in the same institution as me, but at the same time,  it goes the same for those who are envious, or jealous, though they won't be when they know what I have been through, but then again, they'll be snubbing me when they know. Well, they had gone and done that before, under the impression that I'm that person who imitated me and tried to gain other's sympathy.

30/10 I was having a group discussion in the place during the end of 2011 when I saw that facebook password incident happen. If one can and want through legal means, I'm sure evidences can be found. and I know who the fb person is indirectly. and that's why I decided to let it go, mentally, on the basis of her real needs: lack of concern and sincere attention, because I saw her need  but of cause I can't tell her directly because we didn't meet and talk, not even once. She was using materialistic stuff to show that she had a lot. She saw me as her rival. Perhaps probably because of my bochapness towards materialistic stuff and the unwanted attention (from my view but from her point of view, it's wanted attention.) If one have legal access to my private diary, it's not hard to figure out who that person was, and for those who don't have legal access and don't have a pure motive, don't try to speculate and be a hero and spread things around.
And there was, hopefully "was" and not "is", not only her who saw me as a rival.
And to those who think that it's fun, i.e. it's a game (now I sort of understand why they accept that reason--they think that it's just a game, and that they just helping a friend--, and by the way, that reason that I wrote was not the exact reason that I heard: I was trying to not disclose it completely), rivalry suggesting that there's some bits of jealousy and envy and probably pride, which rings a bell--the seven deadly sins, which is widely recognized. And why is it a sin, I won't go any further to explain this, unless He change my mind later. But the consequences of it, it can already be seen...

Stumbling block: two perspective

Depending on the content and which perspective one takes would change the meaning of a word, a term, a phrase or a matter.

And seriously, I know that others would get angry when one's privacy is infringed, but I only get really angry and irritated when one misinterpret things, especially due to wanting to claim credit and then didn't think of the consequences or even try to see if they got their facts right before they start spreading things. Wished that my friend, a certain Samuel, didn't have a hard time because of it. It seemed as though yesterday someone was able to read my comp screen before the person who I've sent an fb message to read the message, like the other time I knew that my comp was hacked--my private blog was leaked, that issue.

Back to the main topic, stumbling block when referring to not to cause others to stumble

 i.e. "

Romans 14:13

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

(there are also other bible verse that speaks of the same thing, just that due to lack of time, I didn't make a list--I need to study for next sem etc.)

is just not to cause others to sin (erm, this term is a bit sensitive to those who were hurt due to others who judged them by their sins)...

This is a site which explains "what it means to be a stumbling block to someone else?"
http://www.gotquestions.org/stumbling-block.html

On the other hand, when stumbling block, and bear with me and finish reading the whole sentence and paragraph, is used to refer to Jesus, my friend, it shows that the consequence of going against the Word of God, which is to err and engage in sinning. As can be seen, the stumbling blocks in the two context are different, and mean the opposite things.

This is the same site but different page, which explains "Why is Jesus called the stumbling stone in Matthew 21:43-44?"
http://www.gotquestions.org/stumbling-stone.html

Matthew 21:43-44

New International Version (NIV)

⁴³ “Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit. ⁴⁴ Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”^[a]

Referring to this line "I need to study for next sem etc.":
                 do those who think that when I mediate and read/study Grudem's book, I'm slacking because I didn't study as opposed to what I claim I'm doing, in fact there's etc at the end of the phrase, seriously think that the Lord's words needn't require studying and mediating on His words? and in addition, music, drawing/art and poetry also requires studying too. Just that it may not be just reading critiques etc but also practicing...

* Grudem's book: Systematic theology: an introduction to biblical doctrine by Wayne Grudem

And seriously, those who still think that they do no wrong by trying to cast spells etc., I know there's at least one, for I happened to walk past that place, and they were referring to me, think again of the mess it made. I had voices in my head after that incident, and thought that I was "go, going, gone" (but strangely enough, I should say thanks for His grace and mercy, a part of me was sure that it was His enemies work, i.e. at the spiritual level, not the physical/psychological level. But it just made me even more confused as to which is the reason behind those strange things),  and I'm sure it's not one of His work, and that He just tolerated it, that is allowed it to happen to one of His people, or rather a number of His people (in hindsight: it snowballed), so that this, for now I can only say the attributes of what His church should have: I'm not all-knowing, would come.

And I'm starting to hear some of those voices again misunderstanding of which phrases were said by His people, which were said by false disciples and teachers...It's sorta a good thing that I'm able to hear, though at the beginning it was so intense that even in the crunching sounds, when I'm eating food, or the sound made by the throat while drinking water I could hear His enemies saying the vulgar words and all those false accusations. That's why at the beginning, after getting out of the intensity of it all, I started to attempt to try to correct those voices i.e. the ten commandments (refer to the post "an example of misunderstandings of biblical metaphors"), and after a few months it got too intense, I got even more false accusations attached to me, and that's when I decided to ignore them.
http://icyelimworld.blogspot.com/2013/10/an-example-of-misunderstandings-of.html

And I'm not Rachel nor Hazel nor jiahui.

And probably this might help a bit, not just hearing those voices saying vulgarities and false accusations and altering His Words (words that are written in the Bible), I also hear the voices repeating my thoughts, what I hear (physically), what I see. And similarly like what happen to my private blog/diary, they are also able to alter the contents of my thoughts, what I hear and see, when they convey it to others, and there's even lesser sources to confirm what they say is true. As in who will record each and every thought that comes to mind, record what I see or hear or do every minute, every second?

Haizz..the voices in my mind started in the beginning of last year lah...and don't push the blame on the fellowships, the voices appeared after I joined fellowships. It's really those things. My music skills got recognized, though interestingly it juz attracted ppl to the places near my house, and of cause I got stressed over it due to my perfectionism. And thus, when I appeared in a certain library--I used to visit a particular library often for a period of time due to the availability of scores there, it seemed as though I'm attracting attention.  And before becoming a piano accompanist in a small group i.e. fellowship, I never performed in front of a large audience, the most was in front of around 6 examiners, and another time, a small scale recital of ard also 6 ppl. And then the jealousy etc. from others became public, as in those public malicious remarks. And then the "witch" labelling, and then the seemingly unwanted attention from the political arena. And then also almost at the same time, the unwanted attention from those attracted. And then the blog thingys (such as the Egypt blog post and the one after--http://icyelimworld.blogspot.com/2011/05/capital-punishment-interrogations-and.html), the imitators...and then the voices. That's roughly the order.

Guess I'm almost saying everything liao...-_-||| it's just that I dun wanna see those things happening again. the spreading of rumors and speculations. Once is enough. and this 'once' is a few years, things just accumulated.

感叹:  apparently, I think it seems to them I'm the 'perfect' attraction due to the naturally attractive features of me i.e. as can be seen frm the unwanted attentions. And is sort of a perfect testing of a particular market. And actually,  I know some, though I don't know whether it's the same grp or different grp, that they are wanting to see, in a challenging and looking-down-upon manner, if I could do anything to remedy the situation, which is to put a halt to their plans/actions. Hee, if He will, He will. Arigato my friends. Hope that it didn't cause a huge headache like how it was to me. But then doing the work of the Lord, how sweet it is.^-^